I have never been so sick and tired of anything in my life as I am  with Kitty, she’s so damn temperamental! Dictating almost every area of my existence. I literally can’t do “anything without her getting all irritated. Don’t swim. Don’t wash with that detergent. I don’t care if you’ve had a long hard week, I don’t like bubble baths! I don’t like oral  sex either! Those jeans are too tight! I don’t like that body wash! Those panties irritate me!  I only like this soap…  UGGG! Don’t get me wrong, I’m the boss of me,  I “can” do whatever “I” very well please,  I don’t have to listen to Kitty, I just  have be prepared to pay the price for being disobedient, which is usually an uncomfortable yeast infection. I often find myself wondering: Who’s the boss around here?

Just the other evening I came home from work exhausted, it took all I had to stay awake while driving. All I wanted to do was shower and hit the pillow; no dinner necessary. I immediately jumped into the shower,  just as I was completely drenched in the warmth of the soothing water, I realized that I was out of Kitty’s soap. I’ve been using the same bar soap since I was a toddler, that’s how long she’s been in control of my life! Just my luck, the soap is in the hall pantry and there is no way that I’m about to get out of this shower to get it. In an effort to simply get to sleep, “I” decided to make an executive decision, I’ll quickly use some body wash on Kitty -real quick, wipe, rinse and she’ll be just fine.

I swear, I was so exhausted I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow. Well, well,well wouldn’t you know it, the next morning Kitty began her silently irritating complaints of feeling uncomfortable.  I know she hasn’t brewed up an infection that quick! By mid afternoon I was using the toilet tissue to soothe the agonizing itch. Ahhhh, I swear that toilet tissue feels so damn good… You do pay the price later though when you need to tinkle. (You’ll know exactly what I’m talking about too.) By the end of the evening, I had managed to set Kitty ablaze! I can’t believe I’ll have to use my last vacation day to schlep Kitty on over to the GYN to get some relief. It’s a good thing my gynecologist and I are cool, otherwise I would have to wait three weeks for an opening.

I gather that I should know better right? I mean, I’ve only been dealing with Kitty’s temperamental ways since – well, forever. All I want is to be in control of my body! I don’t need  my vagina dictating to me what she will and will not allow! I’M THE BOSS! I’M A GROWN WOMAN AND I MAKE THE DECISIONS AROUND…  Uhh, gotta go pick up Kitty’s prescription NOW or  there will be no sleep for me tonight.

Keep it real ladies, is it me or do you’ll know all about the “tissue?”  Chime in, share a  funny story – remember, it’s anonymous  ——>  Mailbag@juicygirltalk.com

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