Dear Juicy,

After reading  “When A Man Loves A Woman” I felt the need to respond.  It seems that it is all too easy for men to carry on extra marital affairs undetected. When a woman is in love, she will undoubtedly not be suspicious of her man especially if most of her needs are being met. This is a sticky predicament for anyone to find themselves in, one that is sure to leave a bad taste in the mouths of  all who are involved. I have to be totally honest with you here, I know that men are definitely not the only ones capable of pulling off such feats. Women have also been known to have long term relationships and to lead double lives to a certain extent. Actually, women are far more successful at it then our counterparts. Like Mike,  I know first hand what it’s like to be in love with two.  I have been happily married for thirty-three years to man (Charles) who thinks the world of me. We have four wonderful children and six amazing grandchildren. I have also been madly in love with another man (Jim) for twenty-nine years. I know you must be thinking, how is this possible? It’s really quite easy to find yourself in this situation if you ask me. I totally agree with  “Mike” when he said that “you get something different from each person, and you love them both for completely separate reasons.” Sure it would be easier to make a choice to commit to one person but it happens; no one  ever plans these situations, (at least I didn’t) you merely find yourself in it, unable and unwilling to make a choice, and before you know what hit you a decade or two has gone by.

I met my lover four years prior to meeting my husband. Jim was in the military, a strong aggressive man who traveled the world, this meant that most of the time I was left alone. But whenever he’d return he made me feel like the only reason the sun would rise was because he loved me so much. I have never had any man in my entire life make me feel that special. And although he was away most of the time, I simply couldn’t imagine living life without him and he made certain that I knew I that he felt the same. Fast forward – I met my future husband four years later. By then I was around thirty years old and found myself wanting to get married and start a family, but Jim was one of those men who didn’t believe in “fixing things that weren’t broken” as he’d say. He had no desire to get married or to have children, he felt that our relationship was perfect with just us two. I loved this man more than I loved myself, but something inside of me wanted more.

When I first met Charles I had no real interest in him other than hanging out.  He was so attentive, always there whenever I needed him. Our relationship started out as just friends but it didn’t take long before I grew to love him as well. We had the same values and goals in common and we both wanted marriage and a family before thirty-five. Charles had grown to be my very best friend, I even told him about Jim, he said he loved me, understood and would never ask me to choose. This only made me love him more and I soon found myself wanting to spend every possible second with him, I  began to feel he could be the man that I would spend the rest of my life with. When Jim would come to town, I would still spend time with him, but he wasn’t the type to consume all of my time, so I was never away from Charles for too long. Our relationship went on this way until we were wed. We started having children immediately, my life was like something out of a fairytale. Charles and I never spoke about Jim; it was our unspoken reality.

So this is how I found myself in a relationship with two men whom I deeply loved. One man was assertive and in control, but only willing to commit partially. The other allows me to take charge and gives me the world.  What I have managed to obtain is a life full of pure happiness. I have heard many women throughout the years complain about how they wished they could get everything in one man. Well, that’s like playing the lottery as far as I’m concerned. The chances of being totally and completely satisfied with one person is a one in fifty-trillion gamble. I consider myself lucky, what I get from and give to each of these men has kept us satisfied and fulfilled all these years. Charles is a passive, gentle man and excellent father. Jim, a strong, confident man  who never wanted to be a dad.  He has never married and he has never felt the need to. Funny thing is, my youngest son looks and behaves exactly like him. I have never mentioned it, but I  know he’s Jim’s. I’ve kept this to myself to avoid complicating our lives.  Although we never officially married, I will forever have a piece of him. I have never considered this cheating or having an extra marital affair, nor do I feel selfish in any way. I genuinely love and find different levels of satisfaction in  both men – but I could never be totally happy with only one of them.  As long we’re happy, that’s all that really matters. I have never felt the need to choose, and I never will…

-Signed,

Three Isn’t a Crowd

Juicy Girl Talk

dearjuicy@juicygirltalk.com

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